Jokes to make u laugh

Few Gags

2010-12-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

Boss: Where were you born?

Sardar: India ..

Boss: which part?

Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .
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2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.

Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

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Sardar: What is the name of your car?

Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.

Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

***************************************************************

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

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Sardar: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
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NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Sardar: An old king's skeleton.

Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?

Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"?

FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.

SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa..

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Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying

Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waiter gives bill to Sardar

Sardar: "Take my card."

Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card."

***************************************************************

SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai.

Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai,

Dost: Garam pani Q?

Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain.
*****************************************************************

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

"My father grows beans," said one student.

"My father cooks beans," said another.

Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:

Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai?

Sardarni: Sartaj, sirf yehi aapka hai.

Experience of interview

2009-09-07T22:28:00.001-07:00

Interviewer :Let me check your word Power...

Candidate: k Sir .....

Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of .....good.

Candidate: hmmmm..... Bad

Interviewer : Come

Candidate: Go.

Interviewer : Ugly.

Candidate: Pichlli.

Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?

Candidate: UGLYYYYYYYYY..

Interviewer : Shut Up.

Candidate: Keep Talking.

Interviewer k now stop these all..

Candidate: now carry on this all

Interviewer :abe...chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa

Candidate:abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh

Interviewer :Areeee yaaar

Candidate: areeee dushmannnnnn

Interviewer : Get Out.

Candidate: Come In.

Interviewer : Oh my God.

Banta : Oh my Devil.

Interviewer : U r Rejected.

Candidate: I m selected...Thank u thank u sir

Amazing will never happen in ur life

2009-07-04T22:54:00.001-07:00

On August 7 , 2009
At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August this year, the time and date will be

12:34:56 07/08/09

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

This will never happen in your life again??!!!!

Ram Seeta Conversation in Punjabi

2009-06-15T00:00:00.001-07:00

US kids version of Ramayan

2009-06-01T23:20:00.001-07:00

A young second generation Indian in the US
was asked by his mother
to explain the significance of "Diwali" to his
younger brother, this is how he
went about it...

" So, like this
dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him.
But, like, his
step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced
her husband to,
like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national
forest or something....
Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10
years or so.... he
decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so
that they could all
chill out together. But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary
shit... really
man...they had monkeys and devil s and shit like that. But
this dude, Ram,
kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta
boys, some jerk called
Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his
hood. And boy, was our
man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... all the gods were
with him... So
anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro
get an army of
monkeys... Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn
monkeys... just go along
with me, ok...

So, Ram, Lax and
their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own
hood.... Anyways, by this time,
their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it gets
kinda boring, you
know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they deci ded
to hitch a ride back
home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro
and the wife are back
home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve
something nice...
and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days...
so they couldn't take
them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and
shit... and since they
also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...so it was
pretty cooool... you
know with all those fireworks.... Really, they even had
some local band play
along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that
was the very first,
no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized
fireworks... you know,
like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and
stuff, you know. And, so
dude,
that was how, like, this festival
started."

The mother fainted..

Some TP - PJ's------latest edition..........

2009-06-01T03:55:00.001-07:00

Rahul gandhi -- mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi........ ......... .......... .......... ......

sonia gandhi -- kyun beta???????? ????????

rahul gandhi -- har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

BRUCE LEE was a great man

But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...

why?

Because he became

MAMU LEE!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

santa and banta r discussing-- -------
santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"
Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

One day Ravan went to a disco....... ......... ......... .

aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya ............ .......

kyun???????? ????????? ??

kyun???????? ??????

bcoz it was written on the gate than "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------

who make Ganesh to Anesh...????

ThinK......

Think......

okay....

" KAILASH KHER "

tere naam se " G " loon....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

:
Ek nadi thi......
uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....
pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi......
sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....
Guess who was the lucky guy??????
.........
........
.........

Keep Guessing.... ...
........
........
........

Chalo yaar....the answer is

"KISNA"
Jo hai albela mad naino wala...
jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala.....
woh kisna hai

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

if a CAT crosses ur way , when u are going some where , then what does it mean???????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ?

?

?

?
it means that the Cat is also going somewhere
PJ's.......

Girl Friend Vs Wife

2009-05-27T04:16:00.001-07:00

Gi rlfriend 5.0 to Wi fe 1.0

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

A tribute to wives !

2009-05-20T02:58:00.001-07:00

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together

Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them

Anonymous

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives.

The first one left me, and the second one didn't.

James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

Nas

You know what I did before I married?

Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.

Then we met.

Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

Anonymous

Men Vs Women

2009-05-20T02:54:00.001-07:00

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4.. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won...

Sardar ji at his best

2009-05-19T04:34:00.001-07:00

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote 'DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!'

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U'VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..

A Teacher lecturing on population:
'In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. '
A Sardar stands up- 'We must find & stop her!. '

A man: 'Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?'
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says 'CHIN YU YAN' and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words...
And finds It means 'U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!'

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!

Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar'.

Lawyer to Sardar: 'Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke....... '
Sardar :'Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!'

A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....
Girl said- 'What R U doing....?'
Sardar replied- ' B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar'

Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says 'please recharge your card'

A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, 'Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). '
The first sardar replies, 'Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258'

Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!

Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........

Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok........

Engineers-it's height

2009-01-26T00:08:00.000-08:00

Understanding Engineers - One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's wrong with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Five
The graduate with a science degree asks," Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

When Pope and Sikh met !

2008-12-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy. There was a big uproar from sikh community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave. The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came.

Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Harbinder pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay." An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh."What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three

days to get out of here. I told him not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs. I let him know that we were staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd. "I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!

FRIENDS VS. PUNJABI FRIENDS

2008-10-12T22:34:00.000-07:00

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Always bring the food.
FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and justbeing together.
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!'
FRIENDS: will visit you in jail
PUNJABI FRIENDS: will spend the night in jail with you!!
FRIENDS: will visit you in the hospital when you're sick
PUNJABI FRIENDS: will cut your grass and clean your house then comespendthe night with you in the hospital.
FRIENDS: have you on speed dial
PUNJABI FRIENDS: have your number memorized
FRIENDS: Are for a while.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Are for life.

Will Power

2008-09-25T04:18:00.000-07:00

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation.

Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year.

I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

.........

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

'For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!' At 4a.m.

The next morning,

A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and a sked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: 'Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here.'

********

- Moral Of the Story

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD,

IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT.

IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS.

Office ki Kuch aur madhoshiyan

2008-09-10T01:21:00.000-07:00

Office ki Shero Shyari

2008-09-10T01:20:00.000-07:00

Boss:
Arz kiya hai.........

Office may Kaam hote hain...
Galtiyon ka sama hota hai....
Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai....

Employee's reply...

Arz kiya hai.........
Appraisal hote hain...
Disappointment ka sama hota hai...
Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to resignation se bayan hota hai.... (Wah wah ... wah wah ... wah wah ...)

Small Town Hotels

2008-07-30T04:49:00.000-07:00

Staying at a small-town hotel, Tom ordered tea. Shortly afterwards, a girl threw open the door. Sugar in your tea? She shouted.No, thank you, Tom replied. Ah, well, don't stir it then.

Doctor & Patient

2008-07-30T04:47:00.000-07:00

The doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination.The best thing for you to do,. the doctor said, is give up drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women...Doctor, I don.t deserve the best,. said the patient. What is the next best?.

Killing English ......

2008-07-24T22:40:00.000-07:00

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Class teacher once said :

" Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

Once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

teacher in a furious mood...

write down ur name and father of ur name!!

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

************ ********* ********* ************ *

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

Definitions of designations

2008-07-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

10) HR is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months

LADKIYON KI KAHANI

2008-07-14T21:46:00.000-07:00

LADKIYON KI KAHANI:

If v treat her nice she says "yaar mujhe line de raha hai"
If v dont she says "kitna akarta hai"
If v dress nicely she says "mujhe impress karna chahta hai"
If v dont she says "tasteless hai yaar"
If v argue with her she says "ziddi hai"
If v sit quietly she says "dumb hai"
If v act smarter she'll lose her brain as u r insulting her
If she acts smarter she thinks its her right
If v dont love her she says "is ka to pehle se hi 2,3 ladkiyon ka saath chakkar hai"
If v love her she says "peechhe hi pad gayaa hai"
If v dont tell her ur prob she says " u r not honest 2 me"
If u do tell to her she says "u r a problem child"
If v scold her she says "you act like a grandpa giving lecture"
If she scolds us she says "Yaar, its becoz i care"
If v break a promise she says "I dont not trust u any more"
If she breaks she says "jaan main majboor thi....
ladkiyan re ladkiya

Great Leave Letters from Techies

2008-07-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

I hope you enjoy these leave applications. Cheers!

See , how people write leave Applications.

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.

Just Read It.

The Leave Applications;)

Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

'Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife ,
please sanction me one-week leave.'

This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the
'mundan' ceremony of his 10 year old son:

'as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days..'

Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing
his daughter's wedding:

'as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave..'

From H.A.L. Administration Dept:

'As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it ,
please grant me 10 days leave.'

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

'Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not
return , please grant me half day casual leave'

An incident of a leave letter:

'I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday.'

A leave letter to the headmaster:

'As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request
you to leave me today'

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

'As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day.'

Covering note:

'I am enclosed herewith...'

Another one:

'Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below...'

Actual letter written for application of leave:

'My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home
I may be granted leave'.

Letter writing:-

'I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.'

A candidate's job application:

'This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an
Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several
years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the
post.

I hope you enjoy these leave applications. Cheers!

See , how people write leave Applications.

A touching story

2008-06-10T01:55:00.000-07:00

A boy and a girl were in love.

When the girl's father came to know
about their love, he did not like it at
all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers
decided to leave their homes for a happy
future.

The girl's father started searching for
the two lovers but could not find
them .

At last, he accepted their love and
asked them to come back home thru a

local newspaper. Her father said "If
you both come back I will allow you to marry the
guy you love, I accept that you loved
each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they
returned home.

The couple next day went to town to shop
for the wedding dress. He was dressed
in a white shirt that day. While he was
crossing the road to the other side to
get some drinks for his wife, a car
came and hit him and he died on the spot.

The girl was devastated and lost her
senses. It was only after sometime that
she recovered from her shock.

The funeral and cremation was the very
next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had
a dream in which she saw an old lady.
The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood
stains of the guy from her daughter's
dress as soon as possible. But her
mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same
dream , he also ignored it. Then the
girl had the same dream the next night, she
woke up in fear and told her mother
about the dream. Her mother asked her
to wash the clothes with the blood
stains

immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained.
Next night she again had the same
dream. She again washed the stains but some
still remained. But again the next
night she had the same dream and this
time the old lady gave her a last
warning to wash the blood stain, or
else something terrible would happen.

This time the girl tried her best to
wash the stains, and the clothes
nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while
she was alone at home, someone knocked
on the door. When she opened the door
she saw the same old lady of her dream
standing at her door. She got very
scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her
a blue object, which shocked the girl.

She asked "What is this...?" The old
lady replied...

..

.. .

..

..

..

..

..

"This is Nirma Washing Powder"

"Washing powder nirma,Washing powder
nirma

Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye,

Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,

sabki pasand nirma

Washing powder nirma,Washing powder
nirma.Nirma"

10 ka 1, do pe ek free

ha ha ha

I know how you all are feeling now...

New Exam Pattern

2008-06-10T01:39:00.000-07:00

New Exam pattern in India(Revised) :

1. General students - Answer ALL questions.

2. OBC - WRITE ANY one question.

3. SC - ONLY READ questions.
4. ST - THANKS FOR COMING..

AND.

5. Gujjars- THANKS FOR ALLOWING OTHERS TO ATTEND THE EXAMINATION .. !!

CHEERS TO RESERVATION. .....

Gr8's of All time

2008-06-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar : Punjab ..Boss : which part ?
Sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

2 Sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'..Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadipetrol se start hoti hai.

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar whyare you removing a wheel from your auto.sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. HegaveRs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on thecomputer.Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on ourengagement day will you give me a ring.Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see anyone before you die?Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?Santa: I'm falling in love.
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one...

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess kheleinSanta: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!Santa: Control yourself.. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He gotirritated...drank poison & said,Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
Banta: U cheated me.Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is allIndia Radio!

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview,Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.. ....Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?Santa: Tipu's skeleton.Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

Ultimate Leave Letters

2008-06-08T22:57:00.000-07:00

1. A student's leave letter:

"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class....."

2. A candidate's application:"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post."

3. I.T.I., Lahore: An employee applied for leave as follows:Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

5. A leave letter to the headmaster:"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

6. An incident of a leave letter:"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

8. A covering note:"I am enclosed herewith..."

9. From H.A.L. Administration dept:As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.

10. Actual letter written for application of leave:"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave".

11. Letter writing:"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who wasPerforming his daughter's wedding:"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.

Naughty Baby

2008-05-29T02:50:00.000-07:00

Little Boy: Mumma when i went yesterday night for a piss in a toilet i found that you forgot to switch off the light
Mummy: You idiot, again you pissed in a fridge

Difference between Good wife and wife

2008-05-29T02:45:00.000-07:00

Good Wife: BEAUTY
Wife: DUTY
Good Wife: PENSION
Wife: TENSION
Good Wife: YUMMY
Wife: VEHMI
Good Wife: COOL
Wife:FOOL
Good Wife:TUTTI FRUTI
Wife:KISAMT PHOOTI
Good Wife: FRESH CAKE
Wife:EARTH QUAKE

Doctors Faith

2008-05-29T02:41:00.000-07:00

There was a long queue ahead of Doctors clinic.

He tried to enter into queue several times but people keep pushing him back.

Doctor got annoyed.

He stopped trying and told remain in queue i too will not open the clinic.

Sanat Banta Chat

2008-05-29T02:39:00.000-07:00

Santa: I am going ka kya matlab hota hai
Banta: Main Jaa Raha hun
Santa: Oye teri pehle matlab bata phir jana aise nahi jane dunga.

How Perception changes

2008-05-29T02:33:00.000-07:00

A man sees a woman getting chased by a dog.

When the dog is about to bite the woman,
the man intervenes and kicks the dog.

A reporter was seeing all this.

He said "That was great. I'll definitely publish this in newspaper.
Tomorrow the headline will be 'LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG'."

The man replied "Thank you, but I'm not from here. I am from US".

Reporter " OK.

Then the headline will be US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A
DOG".

Man: Actually, I live in US but I'm not a US citizen. I'm a Pakistani
national".

Next day, the headline in the paper read ....
....

....

TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG....

Just for Laugh

2008-05-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for
his birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last
year.

Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this
year.

Then write a letter to Krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for
your birthday.

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write
Krishna a letter.

**************

Letter 1

Dear Krishna,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday.

I want a red one.

Your friend,

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year,

So he tore up the letter and started over.

**************

Letter 2

Dear Krishna,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I
would like

A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.

**************

Letter 3

Dear Krishna,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for
my birthday.

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to Krishna either. So, Bobby
wrote a fourth letter.

**************

Letter 4

Krishna,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.

I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him
a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he
wanted to go to temple.

Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the temple on the corner.

Little Bobby went into the temple and up to the altar.

He looked around to see if anyone was there.

Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the radha.

He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down
the street, into the house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a
pen.

Bobby began to write his letter to Krishna.

**************
Letter 5

Krishna,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE
BIKE!!!!!!

Marriage One Liners

2008-04-29T04:26:00.000-07:00

. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

. Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

. Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

. It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives !

. A man who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.

. If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy Independence Day

. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

. There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage

. Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?
To tell each other affectionately... Sweetheart U R Dead !

. Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman

. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it

. Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

. Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Think before making a wish

2008-04-29T04:23:00.000-07:00

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying,

"For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time,
I will grant you each a wish."

"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband," said the wife.

The fairy waved her magic wand and -- poof!
Two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment, and then said,
"Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and -- poof!

The husband became 92 years old.

Keep yourself updated with Technology

2008-04-29T04:20:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood

( the woodcutter and the axe )

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "

Is this your computer ?

" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "

No, not at all !!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

Name of a new born child

2008-01-08T05:29:00.000-08:00

AN Indian WAS WORKING IN DUBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Mumbai. At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years... The man said it is common in India that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away. The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?" The man explained,
"If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
If it is the third neighbour then it would be "TRIVEDI",
If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be "CHATURVEDI";
If its the fifth neighbour then it would be "PANDEY"... After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? Then it would be "SHARMA"...
But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then? "It is YAADAV"
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire? Then he will be named "JOSHI"...
And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?.... "DESHPANDEY."

ICICI Bank defaulters

2007-12-03T01:15:00.000-08:00

Moral -->> Benefits of being Bank Defaulter.

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 20th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladiesand Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceasedfunctioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the islandfor the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we payour ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.

"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loanto them too this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 20 years. Mona pulls awayand asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"

Rajiv answers, "They'll Definetely find us!!!!"

One Liners

2007-11-26T02:34:00.000-08:00

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books

Matrimonial reply

2007-09-28T02:04:00.000-07:00

Reply to an online Matrimonial from a Pakistani man:

Madam:I am an young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a spoiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits.

I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb bells in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb bells in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So, I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab

Difference after Marriage

2007-07-09T03:10:00.000-07:00

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She : Dear !!

Now funniest thng..

after the marriage.... read it from below to up !!!!

njoy!!

Don't tell lie

2007-07-09T03:04:00.000-07:00

One night 4 MBA students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.

They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the dean said they can have the retest after 3 days. they said they will be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the dean. The dean said that this was a special condition test, so all four were required to sit in separate class rooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.

The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.

Q .1. Write down your names -----( 2 marks )

Q.2. Which tyre burst -------( 98 marks ).

Jokes: Punjabi Commands for Computer

2007-06-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

Imagine if your computer starts working in "Punjabi"Then what will happen?You will have commands like these on your computer: in Punjabi!

Send = Sutto

Insert = Wich Paao

Attachement = Naal Laao

Edit = Sidda Karo

View = Waikhee Jaao

Forward = Aggay Sutto

Inbox = Undar Da Daak Khaana

Outbox = Baar Da Daak Khana

Trash = Mitti Paao

Sent Items = Bheji Gayee Dak

Address Book = Patay Wali Kaapey

Reply = Bejan Walay Nu Jawab do

Reply All = Saareyaan Nu Jawab do

Delete = Daffa Karo
Download = Thallay Laao

Download All = Saary Cheezan Noon Thallay Laao

Properties = Jaidaad

Connect = Naal Milaao

Fonts = Likhaai

Accounts = Glla

Drafts = Chitheeyaan
Find = Labbo

Paste = Thook Naal Chipkaao

From = Bhejan Walaa Banda
To = Door Betha Hoya Banda

Subject = Khaas Gall
Carbon Copy = Koelay Walee Naqal

Blind Carbon Copy = Anni Koelay Walee Naqal

Stationery = Pencal, Rubburd, Shaapnar

Folders = Thailay

High priority = Waddee Takleef

finally

Ctrl+Alt+Delete = Sara Syapa Mukao.....

Santa Banta Ka kya kehna

2007-06-01T23:02:00.001-07:00

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand,
oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is
he crying?

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In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

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Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.

He got irritated...drank poison & said,

Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

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Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada

Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?

Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha

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Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?

Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.

Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.

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Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha set
kiya.

Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein
chalaoonga!

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Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?

Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?

Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.

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Banta: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India
Radio!

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Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.

Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi
kya hai ?

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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

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Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.

Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!

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Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.

Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?

Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

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Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?

Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi

ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI

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Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.

Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'

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Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?

Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

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Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

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Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u?

Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

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Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.

The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?

Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

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Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A:

Because they

advertised: 'Free Delivery'

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Bechara Sardar

2007-06-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

By mistake sardar goes into ladies toilet and all ladies suddenly stand up by seeing him:
Sardar: Izzat dil mein ho yahi kafi hai, baetho baetho......

New style to kill Mosquito

2007-06-01T22:55:00.001-07:00

Pehle Machar ko pakdo, fir usko zameen par leta do, fir usko gudgudi karo and jaise hi woh hasne ke liye muh khole, sale ko allout pila do. ha ha ha

Bride from 21st century

2007-05-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:

"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don't want you all to
change your way of life, your routine."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.

What I mean dad is:

Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to control your son!

This is called bride from 21st Century!!!!

Santa Banta on move

2007-05-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

Santa asks: Who r u?

Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?

Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai

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Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,

Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?

Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

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Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?

Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success

hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

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Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?

Doc: Haan, bilkul.

Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi

ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.

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Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom
rahi thi...

Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?

Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !

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Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change

the name from NASA to SATYANASA

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Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I'm falling in love.

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Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

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Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets

Jeeto: Why 3?

Santa: For you and your parents

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Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

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Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte
ho?

Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am

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Indian Jokes

2007-05-02T08:14:00.000-07:00

1...JISKA EK BI DOST NAI USKO KYA BOLTE???............"koena mitra" (koi-na-mitra)

2... once rani mukharjee was given punishment 2 eat 1000 chewingums.she was scared bt den suddenly saif ali khan said sumtin in her ears nshe started eatin how???

...............coz saif said"chak de chak de,chakde sare GUM,chakde chakdechakde,tere sung hai hum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

3...suppose ek ladki baarish me bheeg rahi hai to tum use pani sekaise bachaoge?

...

...

...

...

...

simple hai yaar...use apna dil dedo...dil CHAHTA(umbrella) hai!!!"

4..ek calculator dusre calci ko kya bola?

...
...
...
...
...
...

"CASIO???"...(kaisi-ho?)

5... WHOS DA ONLY PLAYER WHO KNOS EACH N EVRY RELIGIOUS SONG?

................HAR-BHAJAN-SINGH

6...agar aap 90 baar paap karoge to keval 45 baar hi pakdejaoge......batao kyu????

because....sin 90=cot 45

Don't think just laugh

2007-05-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: (softly) Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI

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What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???

think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think

tired of thinking???

Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"

Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut"

..

...

....

okei don't kill me "Pizza Hutna mat"

ok whats the opp of venky's..

venlocks...
(now,now,dont bang ur head plz..)

Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?

Comepalakrishnan.

What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?

Subramanium Didn't See Me.

One day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile
his call gets cross connected to some other lady.
They still keep on talking..they start liking each
other..and finally they get married.
what MORAL do u get???
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An IDEA can change your wife.

A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.

:-(

Guess why ?

because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"

ek aadmi marne vala hei to use kya khilaoge ........

sweets......no...no

Salt...........nopes

think

think

are yaar
birla white cement
kyunki iske ander jaan hain.......

whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man
jumping
from 10th floor?
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former