Name of a new born child

AN Indian WAS WORKING IN DUBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Mumbai. At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years... The man said it is common in India that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away. The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?" The man explained,
"If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
If it is the third neighbour then it would be "TRIVEDI",
If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be "CHATURVEDI";
If its the fifth neighbour then it would be "PANDEY"... After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? Then it would be "SHARMA"...
But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then? "It is YAADAV"
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire? Then he will be named "JOSHI"...
And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?.... "DESHPANDEY."