Monday

Wife Is Great

Bob returned from a doctor's visit and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Bob went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Alma agreed and again they made love.

Later, Bob was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.

He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Bob, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Bob, I have to get up in the morning for your funeral & You don't have to get up !!!

Saturday

Girl Vs Mechanical Engineer

A guy asked a girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl answered with a loud voice, “I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!!!”

All of the students in the library started staring at the guy. He was very embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and told him, “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. Let me guess, you were embarrassed, huh?” The guy responded with a loud voice, “200 DOLLARS FOR ONE NIGHT?!?!?! THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!”

…and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy leaned over and whispered, “I study Mechanical engineering, and I know how to screw people

Friday

Pappu's Offer

Pappu, walked into a Bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bar man,

”Please give me half chicken tandoori and then give everyone half a kilo steak and mutton, bcoz when I eat, I want everyone to eat!”

Bar man processed his request and gave him his meal and everyone else their meals.

When they finished enjoying their meal he shouted for another order,

”Give me a bottle of Champagne and give everybody else a bottle of Johnny Walker Black, bcoz when I drink, I want everybody to drink!”

Everyone was happy and singing praises, saying Pappu is “The Man”.

When Pappu finished his drink he shouted again:

“Give me my bill and give everyone else their own bill, bcoz when I pay, I want everyone to pay ”. . .

Pappu's funeral is tomorrow

Take Care While Praying In Foreign Country

In case of an emergency, speak only in English !!

Never say prayers in any other language!

You never know what kind of translation problem u can run into :)

An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance.

Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.

When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics:
'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?'

They replied "Because he kept saying,
'Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!'

Don't Order Cake On Phone

On wife's b'day, man ordered a cake on phone.

Salesman: Wat msg to put on d cake?

Man: Write"Getting older but U R getting better."

Salesman: How do u want me to put it?

Man: Well.. put"U R getting older"at the top and"but U R getting better"at d bottom.

When d cake was unveiled all guests were aghast at d msg.

It read:"You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom!"

Moral:- Don't order cakes over phone.

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