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Jokes for Enjoyment

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Sunday

Husband Wife Series

Every woman needs a husband, because daily thousand things go wrong & you can't blame god and government all the time.

There is no harm in treating husbands as atm machines, if they treat their wives as washing machine, dish washer, vacuum cleaner,cook, maid, waiter, teacher Etc!

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One man went to the doctor for problem of restlessness, uneasiness.

Doctor recommended that you need good sleep. Take these sleeping pills and give them to your wife twice a day.

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Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.

WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed.. I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND: God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi. He saw me in the dark, he created light. He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE: Twinkle twinkle little star You should know what you are And once you know what you are Mental hospital is not so far

HUSBAND: The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you?
WIFE: Roses are red; Violets are blue Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo. Don't feel so angry you will find me there too Not in cage but outside, laughing at you AND THE SAGA CONTINUES........ Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor He is designed to remain Silent indoor
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"Husband is one who is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."

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A man in Hell asked Devil: Can I make a call to my Wife? After making call he asked how much to pay. Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

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Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever
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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one every day.

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Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills. Wife: When must I give them to him? Doctor: They are for you
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Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.. Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
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Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?

Husband: a gentle push!!!

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* Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
* Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??

Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there!

* A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months. Was the necklace FAKE? Nooooo! That was the deal :)

* A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook!!

* Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt : "Please Do Not Disturb me, I am Married and already very Disturbed...
* Sign Board outside AIR INDIA plane:

Welcome to Warm & Motherly Treatment with us.

Warm because AC is not working.... and Motherly because all Air hostess are above 50....!!

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