Beautiful Girls

लड़कियाँ चाहे दुनिया के सामने कितना भी स्टाइलिश होने का दिखावा करे,



मगर अपने घर पे जब आम की गुठली खा रही होती है तो किसी जंगल के आदिवासी से कम नही लगती...

PLANS FOR EASTER

Wife: What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus..I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!

Boss and Secretary

A boss from a motor company walked into his office one morning, not knowing that his zip was down.

His beautiful secretary walked up to him and asked,

"Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"

This was not a phrase that her Boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.

When he was done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped it up and remembered what his secretary had asked him; finally understood.

Then he intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.

When he reached her desk, he said,

"When you saw the garage door open, did you see my JAGUAR parked in there?"

The secretary smiled for a moment and said,

"No, Boss, I didn't.
All I saw was "A TATA NANO with 2 flat tyres

Solution To Problem Called Wife

If ever You feel overloaded by wife, life or work..

immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center & place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:

1: Wife Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2: Refreshing Unique Medicine (RUM)
3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA).

This is issued in public interest by "Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA)

CHEERS!!!

Aunti Patakha

मैं खुशी खुशी में सड़क पर अपने कुछ दोस्तों के साथ पटाखे फोड़ने लगा .. अभी एक पटाखे में बत्ती छिल कर चिंगारी लगाई ही थी की सामने से एक आंटी आती दिखी ..

मैं और में दोस्त हम सब चिल्लाने लगे ...

आंटी पटाखा है ....
.
.
आंटी पटाखा है ..
.
.
आंटी पटाखा है ...
.
.
.
आंटी मुस्कराई और बोली :

.
" नही रे पगलो , अब पहले जैसी बात कहाँ

Dog And Wife

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home, with my non stop chatting and nagging wife, he's trying to catch up on his sleep. .....
Can I come with him tomorrow?

Wife Is Great

Bob returned from a doctor's visit and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Bob went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Alma agreed and again they made love.

Later, Bob was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.

He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Bob, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Bob, I have to get up in the morning for your funeral & You don't have to get up !!!

Girl Vs Mechanical Engineer

A guy asked a girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl answered with a loud voice, “I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!!!”

All of the students in the library started staring at the guy. He was very embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and told him, “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. Let me guess, you were embarrassed, huh?” The guy responded with a loud voice, “200 DOLLARS FOR ONE NIGHT?!?!?! THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!”

…and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy leaned over and whispered, “I study Mechanical engineering, and I know how to screw people

Encyclopedia Of Ladies

Types of Ladies
. .
Technically there are 7 TYPES OF LADIES:
. .
1. HARD DISK lady: Remembers everything forever.
. .
2. RAM lady: Forgets about you the moment you turn off.
. .
3. SCREENSAVER lady: Just for looking.
. .
4. INTERNET lady: Difficult to access.
. .
5. SERVER lady: Always busy when needed
. .
6. MULTIMEDIA lady: Looks beautiful but you can only look.
. .
7. VIRUS lady: This type of lady is normally called 'WIFE', once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted..

Best Way To Control Anger Of Your Wife

FOR MARRIED FRIENDS..

1st Friend: Yaar my wife always remain angry!!

2nd Friend: Yeah my wife was also same earlier but not now.

1st Friend: So what you did to her?

2nd Friend: One day she was very angry I just said -

It's not your fault baby anger comes with age.

So from that day onwards she never talk to me in loud voice also.

Husband Wife Store

A store that sells “New Husbands” has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the floors..
A woman goes to find a husband.
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She continues to the second floor..
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs ...n love kids..
she continues upward...
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..
'Wow,' she thinks, but She goes to the fourth floor..
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help with Housework.
She exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor...
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are very handsome, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic nature..
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor...
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!!
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store..

Now The store's owner opened a “New Wives Store” just across the street..
The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.



The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited by men!!!!!!

Great Daughter In Law

Daughter in law : Is my nose flat?
Mother in law : No Baby

Daughter in law : Am I fat like an Elephant?
Mother in law : U have a fine physique, U R a Barbie Doll.

Daughter in law : Am I dark colour?
Mother in law : No no, U R so sweet.

Daughter in law : Then why people tell me that U look like your mother in law ?
Mother in law : Laawan Jutti, Bandri Jaee, Majj kisay thaan di.. Kali Habhshan... kidaan bakwaas kardi ae.

Save Yourself From Diabetes

This is very very serious.......

Read carefully...

Prevent yourself and your spouse from diabetes.

A couple married for 20yrs was recently diagnosed with diabetes.

Findings showed that they both contacted the disease as a result of the names they called each other such as Honey, Sweety, Chocopie, Sweetheart, Jaanu and Laddu..

So please start calling your spouse by names 'Karela', 'Hing', 'Hari Mirch', 'Pyaaj', 'Lassun', 'Bitterleaf', 'Lal Mirch', 'Bitterlemon', 'Adrak'....etc

Comments On Facebook Status

A Girl's facebook status:-

"Travelled in Bus after long time"

Comments Left by Male friends :-

1) Awww, so sweet..!!!

2) May be nextime will go together sweetie...!!!

3) Wow, i want to experience it..!!!

4) You went without me..?

5) Wonderful dear..!!!

6) Superlike!!!

---

A Boy's facebook status "Travelled in Bus after a long time.."

Comment by boys

1. What shall be do.

2. You can travel in Bus only..!!

3. What is this now you will update your taxi travel also.  

4. Tell your father to get you bicycle atleast.

5. Be the conductor of that bus.!

And the last one is killer

6. You have taken ticket or not..?

Beware of Smart Girls

One of the smart answer.. . On a flight, a guy asked to a beautiful lady sitting just next to him... 'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...i want to gift it to my wife...!!' Lady 'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her...!'

Price Of Women Tears

Never make a women cry.. There is nothing more expensive than a female tear When a single drop comes out, it first mixes with 'Loreal' eyeliner (Rs.650) & 'Dior' mascara (Rs.2500)... Then when it rolls down the cheek, it mixes with 'D&G' blusher (Rs.2500).. & finally when it touches the lips, it gets mixed with 'Maybelline' lipstick (Rs.350) .. This means that a single drop is ruining Rs.6000 Pls don't make them cry guys.. It wld b difficult to afford it.. Issued in public interest !

Power of Woman

A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked "Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..

The story continues....

The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card. MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband.

Story continues....

Wife took out his husbands credit card from purse and uses it to clear all the bills.

Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.

Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.

Dual Sim Phone Caution

⛔ CAUTION : ⛔

Even if your wife uses dual sim phone, save both the number under one name : "WIFE" ...... 

Never save it as "wife 1" and "wife 2"... : from a Hospitalised Husband.

Definition of Marriage By Big One's

Some global opinions on marriages.. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Al Gore By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Mike Tyson I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Bill Clinton "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - George W. Bush "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Rudy Giuliani "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - Michael Jordan Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it. 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Shaquille O'Neal The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.. - Kobe Bryant You know what I did before I married?? Anything I wanted to. - David Hasselhoff My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Alec Baldwin A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Barack Obama

New Metal

A New Metal is added to the Chemistry: Name: Wife Symbol: Bv Atomic Weight: Light when first found... tends to get heavier over the years with time. Physical Properties : - Boils at any time - Can freeze at any time - Melts if treated with love & care - Very Bitter if Mishandled Chemical Properties : - Very Reactive - Highly Unstable - Possess Strong Affinity for Gold, Silver, Diamond, Platinum, Credit cards & Cheque books - Money Reducing Agent Occurrence : - Mostly found in front of the Mirror.