Drugs For Husbands!
New drugs for men created by women scientists are waiting for approval...
ANIVERSIA: Triggers memories for birthdays and anniversaries...
SLIMOXIL: Widens male cornea making wives appear slim...
SPORTOBLIND X: Reacts with optic nerve to prevent men from recognizing the word "Sports" on TV...
WORKOCETAMOL: Generates an insatiable desire in men to do household chores...
SHOPHOFOBEX: Makes men eager to take wives for shopping every week and wait patiently...
FLIRTONATE-N: It reduces vision whenever a pretty woman passes by.
VERYTASTYMYCIN : husband always praises your cooking
Showing posts with label Romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Romance. Show all posts
Friday
Thursday
Difference Between Facebook And Whatsapp Chat
Difference between "Facebook" and "Whatsapp" conversation :
On "Whatsapp" -
Wife : kaha time pass kar rahe ho? Ghar aao... khana fridge mein rakha hai!
Husband : theek hai.... Dimaag mat chaato. Jab dekho pareshaan karti rehti ho.
On "FaceBook" -
Wife : Jaanu, when will you be back? Dinner's ready. Waiting for u, luv! (Status liked by 10 of her friends)
Husband : Thanks for being there always. So lucky to have a wonderful wife like you. Will be back soon honey. (Status liked by 5 friends, sister-in-law & mother-in-law)
On "Whatsapp" -
Wife : kaha time pass kar rahe ho? Ghar aao... khana fridge mein rakha hai!
Husband : theek hai.... Dimaag mat chaato. Jab dekho pareshaan karti rehti ho.
On "FaceBook" -
Wife : Jaanu, when will you be back? Dinner's ready. Waiting for u, luv! (Status liked by 10 of her friends)
Husband : Thanks for being there always. So lucky to have a wonderful wife like you. Will be back soon honey. (Status liked by 5 friends, sister-in-law & mother-in-law)
Husband Wife Fun
Army officer's wife to Sahayak:-
Main rest karne Jaa Rahi Hun. Gas Pe Cooker Chadhaya hai... Teen Seeti Sunte Hi Gas Bandh Kar Dena.
Sahayak:-Jee Memsahib.
Ma'm had just started to relax when Sahayak knocks.....
Officer's Wife:-Kya hai?
Sahayak:- Seeti Aap Bajayenge Ya Sahib??
------------------------------------Nothing can make a Husband Sleep Immediately
Than These few words by wife
"I want to talk to you"
------------------------------------
Wife: Imagine karo agar mai aapki har baat samjhun aur har baat maanu toh....??
Husband hasta hai...
Bahut hasta hai...
Haste haste zameen par gir jata hai aur khushi se chilla ke kehta hai.... " Saala imagine bhi nahi kar paa Raha hoon ".
------------------------------------
Husband: Another new dress?
"Where do you think I'm going to get the money from to pay for it?"
Wife: "That's your business," I didn't marry you to give you financial consultation."
Boss and Secretary
A boss from a motor company walked into his office one morning, not knowing that his zip was down.
His beautiful secretary walked up to him and asked,
"Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her Boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.
When he was done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped it up and remembered what his secretary had asked him; finally understood.
Then he intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.
When he reached her desk, he said,
"When you saw the garage door open, did you see my JAGUAR parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said,
"No, Boss, I didn't.
All I saw was "A TATA NANO with 2 flat tyres
His beautiful secretary walked up to him and asked,
"Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her Boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.
When he was done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped it up and remembered what his secretary had asked him; finally understood.
Then he intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.
When he reached her desk, he said,
"When you saw the garage door open, did you see my JAGUAR parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said,
"No, Boss, I didn't.
All I saw was "A TATA NANO with 2 flat tyres
Sunday
Natural Teaching
No one teaches a Volcano how to Erupt....
No one teaches a Tsunami how to Rise...
No one teaches a Hurricane how to Sway...
No one teaches a MAN or a WOMAN how to choose a WIFE or HUSBAND!!!!!!
Natural Disasters Just Happen.
No one teaches a Tsunami how to Rise...
No one teaches a Hurricane how to Sway...
No one teaches a MAN or a WOMAN how to choose a WIFE or HUSBAND!!!!!!
Natural Disasters Just Happen.
A New Metal Called Husband
Enough abt wives, now somethng for husband.
• Name - Husband
• Symbol - Hb
• Atomic weight:
- Light when found first
- Tends to get heavier over the years with time
• Physical properties:
- Boils at any time with inlaws
- Can freeze in front of his own family
- Melts if sees other women
- Very bitter if questioned
• Chemical properties:
- Very reactive
- Highly unstable
- Possesses strong resistance to gold, silver, diamond, platinum, credit cards and cheque books
- Money saving agent
• Occurrence:
- Mostly found in front of TV looking for News and sports channel.
• Name - Husband
• Symbol - Hb
• Atomic weight:
- Light when found first
- Tends to get heavier over the years with time
• Physical properties:
- Boils at any time with inlaws
- Can freeze in front of his own family
- Melts if sees other women
- Very bitter if questioned
• Chemical properties:
- Very reactive
- Highly unstable
- Possesses strong resistance to gold, silver, diamond, platinum, credit cards and cheque books
- Money saving agent
• Occurrence:
- Mostly found in front of TV looking for News and sports channel.
Thursday
Best One Liners
Great one liners:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork..
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork..
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
Saturday
Solution To Problem Called Wife
If ever You feel overloaded by wife, life or work..
immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center & place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:
1: Wife Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2: Refreshing Unique Medicine (RUM)
3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA).
This is issued in public interest by "Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA)
CHEERS!!!
immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center & place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:
1: Wife Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2: Refreshing Unique Medicine (RUM)
3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA).
This is issued in public interest by "Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA)
CHEERS!!!
Tuesday
Dog And Wife
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home, with my non stop chatting and nagging wife, he's trying to catch up on his sleep. .....
Can I come with him tomorrow?
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home, with my non stop chatting and nagging wife, he's trying to catch up on his sleep. .....
Can I come with him tomorrow?
Monday
Wife Is Great
Bob returned from a doctor's visit and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.
Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Bob went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Alma agreed and again they made love.
Later, Bob was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.
He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.
Bob, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.
He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Bob, I have to get up in the morning for your funeral & You don't have to get up !!!
Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Bob went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Alma agreed and again they made love.
Later, Bob was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.
He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.
Bob, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.
He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Bob, I have to get up in the morning for your funeral & You don't have to get up !!!
Friday
Don't Order Cake On Phone
On wife's b'day, man ordered a cake on phone.
Salesman: Wat msg to put on d cake?
Man: Write"Getting older but U R getting better."
Salesman: How do u want me to put it?
Man: Well.. put"U R getting older"at the top and"but U R getting better"at d bottom.
When d cake was unveiled all guests were aghast at d msg.
It read:"You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom!"
Moral:- Don't order cakes over phone.
Monday
Encyclopedia Of Ladies
Types of Ladies
. .
Technically there are 7 TYPES OF LADIES:
. .
1. HARD DISK lady: Remembers everything forever.
. .
2. RAM lady: Forgets about you the moment you turn off.
. .
3. SCREENSAVER lady: Just for looking.
. .
4. INTERNET lady: Difficult to access.
. .
5. SERVER lady: Always busy when needed
. .
6. MULTIMEDIA lady: Looks beautiful but you can only look.
. .
7. VIRUS lady: This type of lady is normally called 'WIFE', once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted..
. .
Technically there are 7 TYPES OF LADIES:
. .
1. HARD DISK lady: Remembers everything forever.
. .
2. RAM lady: Forgets about you the moment you turn off.
. .
3. SCREENSAVER lady: Just for looking.
. .
4. INTERNET lady: Difficult to access.
. .
5. SERVER lady: Always busy when needed
. .
6. MULTIMEDIA lady: Looks beautiful but you can only look.
. .
7. VIRUS lady: This type of lady is normally called 'WIFE', once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted..
Wednesday
Best Way To Control Anger Of Your Wife
FOR MARRIED FRIENDS..
1st Friend: Yaar my wife always remain angry!!
2nd Friend: Yeah my wife was also same earlier but not now.
1st Friend: So what you did to her?
2nd Friend: One day she was very angry I just said -
It's not your fault baby anger comes with age.
So from that day onwards she never talk to me in loud voice also.
1st Friend: Yaar my wife always remain angry!!
2nd Friend: Yeah my wife was also same earlier but not now.
1st Friend: So what you did to her?
2nd Friend: One day she was very angry I just said -
It's not your fault baby anger comes with age.
So from that day onwards she never talk to me in loud voice also.
Tuesday
Husband Wife Store
A store that sells “New Husbands” has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the floors..
A woman goes to find a husband.
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She continues to the second floor..
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs ...n love kids..
she continues upward...
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..
'Wow,' she thinks, but She goes to the fourth floor..
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help with Housework.
She exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor...
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are very handsome, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic nature..
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor...
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!!
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store..
Now The store's owner opened a “New Wives Store” just across the street..
The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited by men!!!!!!
There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the floors..
A woman goes to find a husband.
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She continues to the second floor..
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs ...n love kids..
she continues upward...
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..
'Wow,' she thinks, but She goes to the fourth floor..
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help with Housework.
She exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor...
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are very handsome, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic nature..
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor...
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!!
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store..
Now The store's owner opened a “New Wives Store” just across the street..
The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited by men!!!!!!
Friday
Dangerous Qualities Of Husband Wife
Most Dangerous Qualities of Wives:
She listens HALF, Understands QUARTER, Thinks ZERO, Reacts DOUBLE, and REMEMBERS 100%
Most Dangerous Qualities of husbands :
He listens nothing Understands everything, Output ZERO, Reacts DOUBLE, and REMEMBERS 0%
She listens HALF, Understands QUARTER, Thinks ZERO, Reacts DOUBLE, and REMEMBERS 100%
Most Dangerous Qualities of husbands :
He listens nothing Understands everything, Output ZERO, Reacts DOUBLE, and REMEMBERS 0%
Saturday
Great Daughter In Law
Daughter in law : Is my nose flat?
Mother in law : No Baby
Daughter in law : Am I fat like an Elephant?
Mother in law : U have a fine physique, U R a Barbie Doll.
Daughter in law : Am I dark colour?
Mother in law : No no, U R so sweet.
Daughter in law : Then why people tell me that U look like your mother in law ?
Mother in law : Laawan Jutti, Bandri Jaee, Majj kisay thaan di.. Kali Habhshan... kidaan bakwaas kardi ae.
Mother in law : No Baby
Daughter in law : Am I fat like an Elephant?
Mother in law : U have a fine physique, U R a Barbie Doll.
Daughter in law : Am I dark colour?
Mother in law : No no, U R so sweet.
Daughter in law : Then why people tell me that U look like your mother in law ?
Mother in law : Laawan Jutti, Bandri Jaee, Majj kisay thaan di.. Kali Habhshan... kidaan bakwaas kardi ae.
Save Yourself From Diabetes
This is very very serious.......
Read carefully...
Prevent yourself and your spouse from diabetes.
A couple married for 20yrs was recently diagnosed with diabetes.
Findings showed that they both contacted the disease as a result of the names they called each other such as Honey, Sweety, Chocopie, Sweetheart, Jaanu and Laddu..
So please start calling your spouse by names 'Karela', 'Hing', 'Hari Mirch', 'Pyaaj', 'Lassun', 'Bitterleaf', 'Lal Mirch', 'Bitterlemon', 'Adrak'....etc
Monday
Comments On Facebook Status
A Girl's facebook status:-
"Travelled in Bus after long time"
Comments Left by Male friends :-
1) Awww, so sweet..!!!
2) May be nextime will go together sweetie...!!!
3) Wow, i want to experience it..!!!
4) You went without me..?
5) Wonderful dear..!!!
6) Superlike!!!
---
A Boy's facebook status "Travelled in Bus after a long time.."
Comment by boys
1. What shall be do.
2. You can travel in Bus only..!!
3. What is this now you will update your taxi travel also.
4. Tell your father to get you bicycle atleast.
5. Be the conductor of that bus.!
And the last one is killer
6. You have taken ticket or not..?
Thursday
Beware of Smart Girls
One of the smart answer.. .
On a flight, a guy asked to a beautiful lady sitting just next to him...
'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...i want to gift it to my wife...!!'
Lady
'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her...!'
Wednesday
Husband Wife Series 2
American: Do you guys call your wives 'Honey' in your native language?
Indian: No, we call them 'bee-bee' - They sting twice as hard as the honey bee.
----------------------------------
HEATED Gold is called Ornament
BEATED Copper is called Wire
COMPRESSED Carbon is called Diamond
&
HEATED, BEATED & COMPRESSED Person is called HUSBAND...!
------------------------------------
Man outside phone booth: Excuse me ! You are holding the phone since 20 mins. & haven't spoken a word.
MAN INSIDE- I am talking to my wife.
MAN OUTSIDE - SORRY
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)