Boss and Secretary

A boss from a motor company walked into his office one morning, not knowing that his zip was down.

His beautiful secretary walked up to him and asked,

"Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"

This was not a phrase that her Boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.

When he was done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped it up and remembered what his secretary had asked him; finally understood.

Then he intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.

When he reached her desk, he said,

"When you saw the garage door open, did you see my JAGUAR parked in there?"

The secretary smiled for a moment and said,

"No, Boss, I didn't.
All I saw was "A TATA NANO with 2 flat tyres

Pappu's Offer

Pappu, walked into a Bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bar man,

”Please give me half chicken tandoori and then give everyone half a kilo steak and mutton, bcoz when I eat, I want everyone to eat!”

Bar man processed his request and gave him his meal and everyone else their meals.

When they finished enjoying their meal he shouted for another order,

”Give me a bottle of Champagne and give everybody else a bottle of Johnny Walker Black, bcoz when I drink, I want everybody to drink!”

Everyone was happy and singing praises, saying Pappu is “The Man”.

When Pappu finished his drink he shouted again:

“Give me my bill and give everyone else their own bill, bcoz when I pay, I want everyone to pay ”. . .

Pappu's funeral is tomorrow

Smart Kid Of Today's Generation

In a Nursery School Canteen, there's a basket of apples with a notice written over it: 'Do not take more than one, God is watching'

On d other counter there's a box of chocolates, A small child went & wrote on it. "Take as many as U want, God is busy watching d apples".

NEVER ACT SMART WITH today's generation..!!.

RJ's Beware of Such Callers

Ramu calls up The Radio Station

Ramu : Hello is this the Radio Station?

RJ : Yes sir! You are our first caller! Congratulations! Your name?

Ramu : Yeah I'm Ramu. Is this the morning show with Karan? Am I audible to the whole city?

RJ : Haan sir! The whole city can hear You!

Ramu : My sister is at home and she is listening to the radio. Can she hear my voice ?

RJ : Yeah! Obvious!  Sir tell me what msg You wanna convey?

Ramu: Hey Padma if You can hear my voice, plz go switch on the pump! I'm in the toilet in the room upstairs and there's no water here! I called your cell it's switched off! I had no other option

RJ : What the hell?

New Medical Dictionary

*Antibody : Against everybody *Artery : Study of fine paintings *Genes : Blue denims *Labour pain : Hurt at work *Liposuction : French kiss *Microbes : Small dressing gowns *Cardiology : Advanced study of playing cards *Cat scan : Searching lost cat *Coma : Punctuation mark *Bacteria : Back door to cafeteria.

Inspirational Quote For Students

With Exam times round the corner...

Have read a lot of inspirational quotes but nothing inspires anyone more than this:

"With every wrong answer that you write in your exam paper ... your future honeymoon shifts from Mauritius to Mahabaleshwar." 

Great One Liners

Few classics:- Just for laugh...
An intelligent wife is one who spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman.

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Cool message by a woman: Dear mother-in-law,"­don't teach me how to handle my children,I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement."

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A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came home and asked, What happened son??
Kid said, can't adjust with your wife anymore, I need my own.?

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In an African safari, a lion suddenly bounced on wife.
Wife: Shoot him! Shoot him!
Husband: Yes, yes. I'm changing the battery in my camera..

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What is the difference between mother and wife?
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.

Punjabiyan di wakhri ada

Punjabi de hath Jin lag giya..

Jin - koi 3 wishes mango mere aka.

Punjabi- ik daaru di botle pesh kar, jehdi kdi v khatm na hoye..

Botle aa gyi te punjabi ne ik steel da glass bhar liya. Akhri PEG de nal hi, botle fir bhar gyi.
Punjabi khush.
Pher peen lagga,
mukde saar botle fer full.

Jin ne 2 hor wishes mangan layi kiha.

Punjabi- (bohat khush ho k) -

Ehde naal diyaan 2 botlaan hor liya....!!!

Buuuurrrraaaa..;)

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Convent scool k bache zoo me - oh !! wow monky is sleeping don't disturb.. Punjab Govt. Scool k bache -OH VEKH TERA PEO SUTA PYA..WATA MAAR SAALE DE ...

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3 diff styles of proposing:

English- would you mind being my gf ? I really like you.

Hindi- kya aap meri premika banogi ? Mujhe tum achchi lagti ho.

Punjabi- velli firdi hai! Kisi gareeb de kam hi aa ja.

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Afgani : Hamare registaan mein 'khushamdid' bolo to vapis awaz aati hai ... amdid...amdid...amdid

Himachali : hamare pahado mein 'i love u' bolo to vapis awaz ati hai. love u...love u...love u....

Punjabi:Es vich kedi gal hai sade pind di gali vich awaz maro 'teri bhen di' te vapas awaz andi hai 'teri Maa di... teri maa di...

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DRIVING IN PUNJAB.

(1)The one who drives faster than you gets:
"Vekh kiwen agg laggi aa kanjar nu..."

(2)The one who drives slower than you gets:
"Gaddi chalauni aundi nai.. Par laini zaroor aa..".

(3)And finally the one who drives equal to you:
"Achha, Peo naal raceaan!!!"

Take care of your Children education

Naughty Baby

Little Boy: Mumma when i went yesterday night for a piss in a toilet i found that you forgot to switch off the light
Mummy: You idiot, again you pissed in a fridge