Beautiful Girls

लड़कियाँ चाहे दुनिया के सामने कितना भी स्टाइलिश होने का दिखावा करे,



मगर अपने घर पे जब आम की गुठली खा रही होती है तो किसी जंगल के आदिवासी से कम नही लगती...

Husband Wife Fun

Army officer's wife to Sahayak:-
Main rest karne Jaa Rahi Hun. Gas Pe Cooker Chadhaya hai... Teen Seeti Sunte Hi Gas Bandh Kar Dena.

Sahayak:-Jee Memsahib.

Ma'm had just started to relax when Sahayak knocks.....

Officer's Wife:-Kya hai?

Sahayak:- Seeti Aap Bajayenge Ya Sahib??

------------------------------------Nothing can make a Husband Sleep Immediately

Than These few words by wife

"I want to talk to you"

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Wife: Imagine karo agar mai aapki har baat samjhun aur har baat maanu toh....??

Husband hasta hai...
Bahut hasta hai...

Haste haste zameen par gir jata hai aur khushi se chilla ke kehta hai.... " Saala imagine bhi nahi kar paa Raha hoon ".

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Husband: Another new dress?

"Where do you think I'm going to get the money from to pay for it?"

Wife: "That's your business," I didn't marry you to give you financial consultation."

Scientific Technical Jokes

Technical Jokes:

Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven.

Einstein was seeker.

Newton didn't hide & stood in a square of 1 meter.

Einstein: I found u Newton !! Thhappa !!!

Newton: U are Wrong.

I am not Newton. As I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am Newton/per mt sq. So I am Pascal.
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Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"
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Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?

OMg!
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Did you know Oxygen went on a date with Potassium?

It was OK.
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A photon walks into a hotel. The porter asks, "May I take your bags?" The photon replies "It's fine, thanks. I'm travelling light.
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Atom 1: I just lost an electron.

Atom 2: Are you sure?

Atom 1: I'm positive.

Q:What do you get when you mix 2 iron atoms & cobalt

CoFFee
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: What do you get after reaction of two sodium atoms with a Barium atom...

A BaNaNa
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Q: Why did a scientist install a door knocker?

A: coz he wanted to win a no-bell prize!!!!!!

Boss and Secretary

A boss from a motor company walked into his office one morning, not knowing that his zip was down.

His beautiful secretary walked up to him and asked,

"Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"

This was not a phrase that her Boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.

When he was done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped it up and remembered what his secretary had asked him; finally understood.

Then he intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.

When he reached her desk, he said,

"When you saw the garage door open, did you see my JAGUAR parked in there?"

The secretary smiled for a moment and said,

"No, Boss, I didn't.
All I saw was "A TATA NANO with 2 flat tyres

Natural Teaching

No one teaches a Volcano how to Erupt....

No one teaches a Tsunami how to Rise...

No one teaches a Hurricane how to Sway...

No one teaches a MAN or a WOMAN how to choose a WIFE or HUSBAND!!!!!!

Natural Disasters Just Happen.

Best One Liners

Great one liners:

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork..

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

25. Someday is not a day of the week

26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.

29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

Indian State With Highest English Speaking Population

Which State in India has highest English speaking population?

Answer : Before 8 pm. -- Kerala
After 8 pm ---- Punjab

For communication skills,
U don't need any classes....
Only glasses.

Solution To Problem Called Wife

If ever You feel overloaded by wife, life or work..

immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center & place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:

1: Wife Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2: Refreshing Unique Medicine (RUM)
3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA).

This is issued in public interest by "Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA)

CHEERS!!!

Aunti Patakha

मैं खुशी खुशी में सड़क पर अपने कुछ दोस्तों के साथ पटाखे फोड़ने लगा .. अभी एक पटाखे में बत्ती छिल कर चिंगारी लगाई ही थी की सामने से एक आंटी आती दिखी ..

मैं और में दोस्त हम सब चिल्लाने लगे ...

आंटी पटाखा है ....
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आंटी पटाखा है ..
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आंटी पटाखा है ...
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आंटी मुस्कराई और बोली :

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" नही रे पगलो , अब पहले जैसी बात कहाँ

Indian Students

Dog And Wife

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home, with my non stop chatting and nagging wife, he's trying to catch up on his sleep. .....
Can I come with him tomorrow?

Girl Vs Mechanical Engineer

A guy asked a girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl answered with a loud voice, “I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!!!”

All of the students in the library started staring at the guy. He was very embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and told him, “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. Let me guess, you were embarrassed, huh?” The guy responded with a loud voice, “200 DOLLARS FOR ONE NIGHT?!?!?! THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!”

…and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy leaned over and whispered, “I study Mechanical engineering, and I know how to screw people

Pappu's Offer

Pappu, walked into a Bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bar man,

”Please give me half chicken tandoori and then give everyone half a kilo steak and mutton, bcoz when I eat, I want everyone to eat!”

Bar man processed his request and gave him his meal and everyone else their meals.

When they finished enjoying their meal he shouted for another order,

”Give me a bottle of Champagne and give everybody else a bottle of Johnny Walker Black, bcoz when I drink, I want everybody to drink!”

Everyone was happy and singing praises, saying Pappu is “The Man”.

When Pappu finished his drink he shouted again:

“Give me my bill and give everyone else their own bill, bcoz when I pay, I want everyone to pay ”. . .

Pappu's funeral is tomorrow

Take Care While Praying In Foreign Country

In case of an emergency, speak only in English !!

Never say prayers in any other language!

You never know what kind of translation problem u can run into :)

An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance.

Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.

When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics:
'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?'

They replied "Because he kept saying,
'Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!'

Don't Order Cake On Phone

On wife's b'day, man ordered a cake on phone.

Salesman: Wat msg to put on d cake?

Man: Write"Getting older but U R getting better."

Salesman: How do u want me to put it?

Man: Well.. put"U R getting older"at the top and"but U R getting better"at d bottom.

When d cake was unveiled all guests were aghast at d msg.

It read:"You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom!"

Moral:- Don't order cakes over phone.

Encyclopedia Of Ladies

Types of Ladies
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Technically there are 7 TYPES OF LADIES:
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1. HARD DISK lady: Remembers everything forever.
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2. RAM lady: Forgets about you the moment you turn off.
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3. SCREENSAVER lady: Just for looking.
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4. INTERNET lady: Difficult to access.
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5. SERVER lady: Always busy when needed
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6. MULTIMEDIA lady: Looks beautiful but you can only look.
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7. VIRUS lady: This type of lady is normally called 'WIFE', once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted..

Jokes At Extreme

1) Crazy Heights Of Jokes

2) Laziness?

Asking lift for morning walk.

3) Craziness?

Get blank paper xerox.

4) Honesty?

Pregnant woman taking 2 tickets.

5) De-hydration?

Cow giving milk powder.

6) Hope?

A 99 yr. Old woman going for 295/-recharge to get lifetime incoming.

7) Stupidity?

Looking through key hole of a glass door.

8) Suicide attempt?

A dwarf jumps from the footpath on the road.

Best Way To Control Anger Of Your Wife

FOR MARRIED FRIENDS..

1st Friend: Yaar my wife always remain angry!!

2nd Friend: Yeah my wife was also same earlier but not now.

1st Friend: So what you did to her?

2nd Friend: One day she was very angry I just said -

It's not your fault baby anger comes with age.

So from that day onwards she never talk to me in loud voice also.

Husband Wife Store

A store that sells “New Husbands” has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the floors..
A woman goes to find a husband.
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She continues to the second floor..
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs ...n love kids..
she continues upward...
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..
'Wow,' she thinks, but She goes to the fourth floor..
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help with Housework.
She exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor...
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are very handsome, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic nature..
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor...
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!!
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store..

Now The store's owner opened a “New Wives Store” just across the street..
The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men..

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The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited by men!!!!!!

Great Daughter In Law

Daughter in law : Is my nose flat?
Mother in law : No Baby

Daughter in law : Am I fat like an Elephant?
Mother in law : U have a fine physique, U R a Barbie Doll.

Daughter in law : Am I dark colour?
Mother in law : No no, U R so sweet.

Daughter in law : Then why people tell me that U look like your mother in law ?
Mother in law : Laawan Jutti, Bandri Jaee, Majj kisay thaan di.. Kali Habhshan... kidaan bakwaas kardi ae.